The great land of South Park is vast and dangerous. Beasts, Elves and Sixth Graders lurk around every corner, so any friendly face can provide a moment of relief – especially when it’s a friendly face you already recognize thanks to the TV show. The first major mission in the game requires you to track down Cartman’s… er, the Grand Wizard’s top warriors (Token, Tweek and Craig) and prepare them for battle after the all-powerful Stick of Truth – a relic capable of controlling the universe – is stolen by the Elves. You can watch all this unfold in the first 13 minutes of gameplay.
Completing Cartman’s task will take about an hour, but in that first hour almost the entire city of South Park is open to you. We have explored this land and lived to tell the tale. Now we bring this knowledge to you. Should you choose to seek out familiar faces for future aid, here’s a look at many of the people you can track down, where you’ll find them, and what kind of help they offer. Some of these quests cannot be completed in the first part of the game. You’ll have to wait until you have the skills to pass through certain areas.
Beware, travelers: If you wish to avoid sidequest spoilers, turn back now. Otherwise, read on.
I would recommend trying to knock out Timmy’s mission first. Throughout South Park there are a dozen Timmy Express stations. You only need to travel to each one once in order to unlock it, so keep an eye out for them as you explore. Each Timmy can take you to any other unlocked fast-travel location.
Priest Maxi is sitting on a bench outside of City Hall. His quest is simple – find Jesus – but you’ll need to do it twice. Why? Good question. Maybe to prove your dedication. Maybe because the first time was too easy. Anyway, finding Jesus will allow you to summon him in battle.
You can get this mission one of two ways. You can either go to Mr. Slave’s house and he’ll ask you to pick up a package for him, or you can find the package at the Post Office and bring it to him without his asking. Either way, he probably shouldn’t have a kid delivering such a… mysteriously buzzing item. For your assistance, you can now call upon Mr. Slave to help you out in a fight. But after seeing it once, you may not want to.
Tuong Lu Kim
Tuong Lu Kim is, of course, at City Wok. But when you arrive, Mongolians have conquered his restaurant and he wants them gone. He leaves it up to you to go to their hideout next door and beat up their children so they’ll think the neighborhood is unsafe and leave. Once you make your way up their tower (and solve a door puzzle, because this is an RPG), you’ll have to face a horde of the parents. Defeating them will earn you Tuong Lu Kim’s war dance as a summon.
You’ll find Skeeter at the bar (where else?) and he’ll have a very important quest for you. Mutant rats are infesting his basement and he needs you to take care of them. Because, Only a true hero could kill rats in a cellar. Complete this quest and he will reward you with a new weapon (Bar Darts).
Al Gore is hiding in a bush by the movie theater. Where else would he be? He believes ManBearPig is somewhere in South Park, and he enlists the help of the New Kid to place three ManBearPig Sensors in specific locations around town. Once the ManBearPig Sensors are placed, you’ll have to head underground to find the mysterious ManBearPig. Unfortunately, at an early point in the game, that area is inaccessible. You’ll have to wait to finish this quest.
When you find Jimbo in his gun shop, he’ll challenge you to hunt and kill seven of the most dangerous animals in South Park – animals like the Farm Cow and the Penis Mouse. Not all of these animals are reachable right away, so much of it will have to be saved for later.
Mayor McDaniels can be found in her office at City Hall. She’s worried that all the homeless people in South Park are giving it a reputation for being cold and heartless… So she wants you to beat them up and make them leave. There are seven bums across the city, but not all are accessible in the beginning of the game.
For more on South Park: The Stick of Truth, check out these posts: